Divorce parenting The Dating Scene Uncategorized

courage

courage

I awakened on Sunday to a tv program that inspired me to write this entry.  It’s a little different but my spirit has driven me to write so here goes.  A word that kept popping up was courage.  I started thinking about what courage looked like for me and in my life.  I began to think in terms of my sons, my marriage, my relationships, my family at large.  Here’s what I came up with about courage and how it applies to my life.

Courage:   As children of divorce I want my sons to not look at the situation or me as a failure.  I can’t control it but nor do I want them to feel or suffer hurt as a result.  Instead as they blossom into men I want them to look back and think Wow mom was courageous.  She stood up to her abuser( although not the most violent… violent all the same).  She was courageous enough and cared enough about us to walk away from  her could’ve been “fairy tale” life.  She fought back, but not with her hands and fists or words, but her actions.  Fear, defeat and failure did not consume her as she prepared herself to make an exit from a damaging situation and saved our little eyes from witnessing and experiences what unhealthy relationships look like.

Courage:  Courage for me was letting go of stuff which included people that weighed me down. .  Material possessions.   It takes strength and courage to forge a new life alone. There’s no time to plan or “figure it out”.   There’s no one saying on your mark get set ready GO.  Its just GO!   A life devoid a helpmate or partner and left to raise a family solo.   Something I hadn’t envisioned myself doing, but knew I had the strength and mental fortitude to do once faced with that challenge.  Courage to not fold and fade away as 1 by 1 my dream homes were foreclosed.  Courage to fight the IRS and prevail.  Courage to keep smiling with head held high so my kids didn’t have to suffer or concern themselves with all the stress and heartache I felt as the walls were slowly but surely crashing down on us.   I never wanted them to experience or feel any of that pressure or stress.

Courage was not giving in or giving up when I felt helpless, hopeless, lonely and alone.   Although I wasn’t the strongest practicing Christian I was strong enough in my faith and belief that I would make it through and survive.  We would survive AND WE DID!

In relationships often times we lack the courage to get out, move on and recognize what’s not working.   We defraud ourselves by thinking we cant get or do better.  We settle when we shouldn’t.  To some there is comfort in just being or belonging to someone.  Courage comes in when you challenge that which you know is wrong or unhealthy.  Believe in YOU enough to fight for what you truly know you require and deserve. The problem is… you have to 1st have REQUIREMENTS.    When you require and expect more from yourself and others you’re less likely to settle or compromise your non-negotiables.  Sometimes the thought of being without makes us settle for being with when WITH is not IT.

Courage is knowing you matter.  Knowing when you know  better you do better.    Courage is sharing my testimony.  It’s taking a stance for what you feel is true. The power to stand up for things and to others when no one else will.   Empowering self to make a difference.  Leaving an impression on the world and the lives of others.  Knowing I’m perfectly IMPERFECT and that’s okay and what makes me uniquely me.   Life isn’t always rosey, fair or easy.  It has its challenges, comes without a manual and is yours to custom design and tailor exclusively for YOU.

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