There are no good or bad divorces… friendly maybe, but good?…. Not so much and mines would be no exception to that rule. What the heck is going on I’ve asked myself repeatedly over the past few weeks? It seems we make 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. I’m talking about the external manifestation of divorce on children. Its so much more mental and emotional than anything else. It almost seems internally anguishing. We truly live day by day. You’d think each day would be better but the faintest thing can “TRIGGER” and then you’re set back to pre-step1 which isn’t good by the way. For us it seems to NOT talk to their dad provides more household peace than to speak to him. I’m so torn. I’ve got the Therapist on one hand telling me to “Keep at it, they’ll figure it out over time what their dad is doing”.. then on the other hand I’m thinking.. , but I have to deal with the outbursts, the setbacks, the tears, the rants, the drama. So what’s a girl to do? Listen to the professional? Take matters into my own hand and invoke a Cease and Desist order all my own? Sometimes my thoughts take me to the left and I begin to think it would be easier if “HE” were incarcerated or deceased. Then this would all be over. Yes, it would be a loss but you wouldn’t have to wonder if he was going to visit. Would he show up, or just continue to make crazy lame excuses.
My brother in law tells me he has his brother/my Ex. On several prayer lists at various churches. I have to chuckle when he says that. It calls my faith into question because I stopped praying for the situation and over him a long time ago. I just didn’t know what to pray for anymore! I certainly wasn’t going to pray that we get back together. I just grew numb to the whole prayer aspect of the cirmcumstance. Realizing that GOD does answers prayers I know I’d need to choose my words carefully and because I didn’t know the right words I just don’t go there. If there was such a thing as a magic Genie .. I’d wish that their dad just “get it”. They say hurt people, Hurt People. I think I’d have to agree. I’ve moved on with my life and doing me, perfectly content and happy. I feel like he’s unhappy and wants to spew that on me, but I’m not a taker to that foolishness. I wish he’d realize that mildly he hurts me with his antics but more importantly he’s hurting his kids … mentally, emotionally as well as their overall persona. This affects who they are as little people and then adults. He has the power to stop the bleeding but chooses not to for whatever reason. I tell you, if we could only see the future when choosing our potential mates fewer people would be so quick to push out children with hot messes. Why can’t people just act right, be mature and do what’s in the best interest of the innocent ones ( the kids)? The road to divorce is easier for some and crippling for others. I seem to have landed somewhere in the middle. #goodmombadwife