Divorce

Does it get better with time?

     The old adage is that time heals all wounds.  …  so naturally I thought the same would apply for divorce and post-divorce life, but I seem to be wrong.   While it’s been a good 5 or so years since the divorce and each of us have moved on… or have we?, I expected a certain level of respect and diplomacy but those words would be easier said than done.    As the person with custody of the children I’m always viewed as the bad guy.  The one that causes the problems or better yet just the problem in general.  Can anyone relate?  My actions are frequently judged and criticized, possibly done in an effort to “break me”, challenge my parenting ability or negate the positives I try to instill in the children

     The struggle is to not allow yourself to get sucked into meaningless banter and tirades.  These things do nothing but make the situation and matters worsen.  Personally my goal has always been to try and forge an adult like co-parenting situation with the Ex.  One where communication is appreciated, required and well received,  but I guess you need two willing parties to make that work and if one side is out of balance so goes the situation.  Every day you must remind and ask yourself Do I WANT TO BE BITTER OR BETTER?  You’re patience will be tested, your kids may seem to go rogue from time to time as a result of the mixed communication, over sharing of adult information and emotional struggle they feel.  They’ll be times when you feel like you are the referee or maybe the only sane person in the situation.  At the end of the day, the show must go on and on some level the beat you play will be the beat the others, particularly the children will march to.

I’m learning with each new interaction that I don’t have to always be right, just happy.  While we won’t on everything.. these days pretty much nothing, both sides should agree to think less about themselves but whats in the best interest of the children and the situation.   For now I cling to hope that it will get better over time, how much time?  Well that remains to be seen.

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