parenting

Is it just me?

I think I need a “re-up” on parenting 301.  Everyday its something new that I’m discovering.  The kids never cease to amaze me by the things they say and do, which means in return I have to UP my parent game.  It’s a truly different time and world, one I don’t think our parents would’ve survived.   The issues the kids  face are similar yet hugely different and on a different scale.  I think I’m going to blame it on technology.    Some days I ask myself  “WHY LORD WHY”?   The stakes are higher and the challenges are greater now that the boys are getting older.  Gone are the days of the sweet little kids who just wanted to watch cartoons and ride bikes.  Oh no,  We’re into expensive shoes, girls(that’s a book by itself), popularity, what’s mine is mines and what’s yours is mine too).   Today the house is filled with words and phrases such as “You don’t get it”, “You’re a dictator”, “Oh those Jordans just dropped Imma need those”,  “Dad said he pays you money so you can buy this or that” ( Oh REALLY??) and the list goes on.

While I’m thankful and glad to have created a space and platform for them to verbalize their thoughts and feelings, I’m quickly taken back to my childhood days where the theme of the day or make that life was “BECAUSE I SAID SO”!   It didn’t matter if you as a child  liked it, agreed with it, or had an opinion… this is how things were going to be period and with that you just simply fell in line.   Todays new age kids would’ve never survived the 70’s 80’s or 90’s.  Could it be the Similac, Global warming, air quality?  Who knows.   My boys are now ages 20,14 and 11.  It’s very interesting to watch them grow and develop.  Each age group presents it’s own struggle and challenge. Interestingly enough, the issues I deal with from my 14 year old I didn’t face when my 20 year old was his age, so I can’t even rely on experience for the stuff he’s pushing out.  It’s like starting from scratch all over again.  I truly believe the only quasi-sane one is the 11 year old. … but wait for it… give him a year or two and that may change.

I think the turning point is Middle School.   Is it that way for girls I wonder?   They feel they’ve evolved and somehow that makes them feel empowered.  They lose their minds and reality and perspective are just thrown out the window.   The 14 year old starts High School next year.  Should I just shoot myself now?  His day is not complete it seems unless he has  new girl friend d’jour.  His world is all things Jordans, fancy clothes and gadgets and having a social life.  Did I mention school wasn’t really part of the agenda?  Sheesh!   Oh, the 20 year old, he’s not exempt either.  Just when I thought I was in the clear, he comes bearing his own foolishness and drama.  He’s trying to figure out how to navigate life and be an adult.  Now he has his own ideas of what that looks like and let me tell you… it ain’t readily aligning with my vision.  Patience is a virtue when being a parent.  You have to know when to hold ’em and know when to fold ’em.  Daily I work on self and how to not be as my 14 year old calls me “dictator”, but boy is it hard.  As a mother I want to “fixit”, be the troubleshooter, the voice of reason and reality, but sometimes that only escalates the situation.  I’m discovering, slowly but surely that I have to trust what I’ve instilled in them, be there on a when they need me basis and hope that they refer back to their core raising and values when in doubt.   For now I’ll just call it my raising boys to men.

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