Mixed signals… wrong message
As a child my father would discipline us and he’d want to understand our logic for why we did whatever stupid thing we had done that ultimately led us to getting a whipping. Sometimes we were truly wrong and other times intentions were good but outcome was bad. In those cases my dad would say “You are Sincere, but Sincerely wrong”.
I was talking with a male cousin of mine who I like to bounce things off of and he to me. This particular conversation was intriguing because it just goes to show how quickly situations can turn “messy”. How wires get crossed and messages get lost in translation. He’s a single guy but is interested in someone. He purposely is choosing to “Take things slow” and “be friends” first. No issues there right? Well for me the problem is the fact that his mouth is saying one thing and his actions are demonstrating another. He tells this woman that he doesn’t want to give her false hope nor lead her on. He doesn’t know where this thing will ultimately go. Again, no issue there… who can’t appreciate full disclosure. BUT … you know there’s always a BUT. Whenever he goes to visit her he sleeps in the same bed with her. ( Hmmm). In his eyes he doesn’t see the issue. Now I do believe people of the opposite sex can sleep in the same bed and nothing happen, but in this case.. they aren’t “Platonic”. He tells me the woman has started getting agitated because she doesn’t understand how they can be in the same bed and he not want to touch her. So I asked him.. WHY are you sleeping in the same bed? There are several vacant rooms in the house? He had to pause because he really didn’t have a response.
In his mind.. because he let it be known that he wasn’t rushing, nor trying to lead her on… he was covered. Well to me its a mixed message/signal. What I know for sure is that we can’t control how others interpret the words we communicate. Although she may have nodded and agreed… once the lights went out and feelings and sensations arise …. all of that goes out the window. Sometimes people really have to be more sensitive and look at things from the other persons perspective. When I shared with him a womans view point and how this may be going off course. He was surprised and hadn’t considered that her frustrations could possibly be due to his mixed signals. I think we say things to guard and protect our feelings and hearts and in some weird way hope that via repetition we convince the other party to subscribe to our ways of thinking. Now I can’t let the chic in this case get off easy because at any point and time she could say 1. stop coming over to the house 2. We can’t share the same bed 3. Put the cabash on the entire situation. So sometimes we are the source of our own pain and heartache because we allow others to do things to us that we don’t agree with. Moral to the story: Although my cousin is sincere in what he thought he was conveying… his actions and her response to stimuli would prove that he is sincerely wrong. Each person has to decide for themselves what they are willing to tolerate from others. We have to be more honest with ourselves in recognizing B.S. and labeling it just that. Every person needs to feel empowered to take the driver seat on this road trip called LIFE, Love and Relationships. Otherwise you’ll become the passenger while someone else steers the car and takes over the driver seat for your life and who wants that? #goodmombadwife