Divorce Uncategorized

my BIG Fat BLENDED family

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When life hands you 6 kids…. blend them together.   I realized over this past weekend what a special family situation I have.   In my wildest dreams I wouldn’t have guessed things to turn out this way.   What I’ve learned along the way about dating people with children of any age, but specifically under the age of 18 is that you have to incorporate them into the equation.  They have to feel safe and a sense of belonging.  When I first met my Ex I knew he had 3 small children.  At the time the oldest was in 5th grade.  Initially things were intense and tense.  The kids were willing to accept me, but they started marching to their mothers beat.  Someone who didn’t know anything about me but was quick to judge and decide she didn’t like me.  Some of this I have to believe stemmed from the fact that she had unfinished emotional business with my Ex, her then Ex of some 10 years.   There were times when the kids would come over and  it would take nearly ½ a day for them to “warm” up to being around me and my son.   Over the span of years I began to formulate an ‘arms-length’ relationship with my Exes kids mom and that opened the door to allow him to gain more visitation and access to their kids. Sometimes it’s just a matter of showing yourself friendly to your adversary.  It also allowed she and I to have a better understanding of one another.

What am I saying?  Meeting Joe X who has children is more than just being about you and he.  Its about you, your kid(s) if you have any and his kids and blending the worlds together.   The whole picture needs to make sense.  Fast forward 12 years later my KIDS(stepKids) –aka- the BIGS as I call them and I have the best relationship.  We don’t talk every day, but I ensure that they keep a close relationship with their brothers ( my 2 sons) with their dad and my son from a previous relationship.   We don’t use the word ½ or steps in my house.  Instead everyone is brother and sister.  I love watching the way they all relate to one another.  Today my kids are aged 25,21,20,18,12,9.  Its quite the assortment.  The girls (21,and 20) and I have have a beautiful bond.  They respect me and value my opinion.  They raid my shoe closet and clothes.  All the things I’d imagine daughters would do.  So I’m lucky to have 2 … even if they aren’t biological.  Over the weekend we talked about guys, their dating lives, fashion, college and careers.  I’m always checking in with them on their life goals.  What was even more special was that they asked to meet the guy that I am currently dating.  I would’ve never thought they would care or be interested.  Our relationship has grown so much over the years to which I am grateful.   The sad part is that they have a non-existent relationship with their dad.  That’s the craziest thing to me, but that’s his loss.  Sometimes you have to just let people do them.

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So my BIG FAT BLENDED family is not typical but far from unique.  My exes family and kids seem to accept me and have a relationship with me that is leaps and bounds better than the one I have with him.   Today my family picture is the best, it includes my 6 kids and my brother in law.  Never in a million years did I see that coming or my life picture looking the way it does.  I’m grateful for all of them and that I can provide whatever it is that they get from me.  Life couldn’t be better for me.  #goodmombadwife

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