“I feel stuck” said my coworker who has been with the company for just under 30 years. She literally graduated High School and started working for the company. Along the way she has had many positions and roles. She’s learned enough skills to prehaps be extremely marketable in the outside “world”.. meaning if she left the company. After a recent internal shakeup, which happens far to frequently she decided she didn’t like the new management and wanted OUT. She began to apply for postings left and right to no avail until she finally got a hit and was accepted for the new role. Upon hearing the news I went by her desk to congratulate her. She was pretty ecstatic and I was happy for her as I knew she was unhappy in her current role, but felt trapped because she didn’t think she knew enough to go outside the company. She was also beating herself up because she didn’t have a degree which majorly contributed to her feeling of entrapment and not good enough. We chatted for a bit as I searched to share reassuring positive words to herbefore I returned to my desk.
Her scenario made me think about relationships and the episode of SNAPPED I had watched the night before. It appears that the “feeling stuck” can happen in several areas of ones life. What makes us believe that we are stuck and that there is no way out? Is it situational? Self induced? All mental? Fact? or is it really reality? The interesting part of feeling stuck is what you do to resolve it once you cognitively aware.
1.Do you do as the woman on SNapped and KILL your way out of it .. knowing there’s a 50/50 chance this may not end well for you, meaning jail time? or, is the risk worth taking?
- Do you take matters in your own hands and try to fix it? In the case of the co-worker.. if she truly believed lack of a College education was holding her back would she enroll in college now? Would she just continue to post out to positions until someone would take her “flaws and all”?
- Do you succumb and just accept things for what they are and stay and just live a miserable existence?
In relationships I read and hear about women, mostly stay at mom types who may have had a predestined career path lined up, but then kids happened and they take a step down from their dreams to raise their kids (which is quite admirable and requires patience that I personally don’t think I possess) and allow the man/husband to take charge. On paper and maybe in practicum that was all well and good until he cheats, becomes over controlling of the finances or worse wants a divorce. What happens next can be life altering and game changing. She now has to “find herself”. Figure out how to live without someone to provide for her and maybe even learn a new skillset or hone up on an existent one that was shelved and remained dormant? Don’t get me wrong as this is not all one sided. Men experience this too. They too can feel trapped or stuck in relationships out of sense of duty, the kids or at the risk of being viewed “unmanly”.
At the end of the day we all have a sense of duty to self to recognize the signs of these traps and then work our way out of them. The feeling of being trapped doesn’t have to be a life sentence if you can identify the cause and work to resolution. Sometimes it’s just all in our minds. I recall right after separating from my Ex-spouse a similar feeling. Thinking no one would want me since I was now a single mother of 3 kids. My mind was telling me that men would be more apt to accept a woman and 1 child but that 3 would be a complete deal breaker. For many years I believed that, until I started to work on self and change my outlook on my life, my situation and myself as an individual in this new found role as a single parent. I’m grateful today that I didn’t remain in that head space or allow my mind to take over. The bottom line is this. .. whether you are a single parent, non-degreed individual, divorcee’, etc the good news is that these labels don’t have to define you nor make you feel less than who you are or minimize what you bring to the table of life, love, relationships, work. #goodmombadwife